Joaquin***

I've read today that Joaquin Phoenix considered stopping acting and focusing on his music!
It did hit me like waw. He can't stop acting. He was born for it. He's such a talented actor, so strong and complex. I like his eyes, his voice. The way he moves. His smile.
There's a kind of seriousness in him. I don't think it's only the characters he played. I guess it's really in him. Something that troubles me everytime I see him in a movie or an interview. A seriousness and a fragility. He is so unique and elusive.

He can't stop acting. I'm sure his music will be worth listening to. Because with the dense life he's had, all the travels, his family, his values, his injuries and all the things we have yet to discover about him, it can only be interesting. Can't wait to hear that. Can't wait to see him on stage here in Paris.

How I would love to meet him and talk to him and take him in my arms. Joaquin. Joaquin. Joaquin. Joaquin. Joaquin. Joaquin.

If paris was a girl part 4

Ok, I may have overreacted again, but the thing is... It's my time of the month and that makes me feel more irritated than I should be, a bit like pregnant women!

I just went to the ladies room and then looked at myself in the mirror. Realized I had some stain on my pink top, not too far from my left nipple -why?! Realized my mascara had a bit gone off my right eye. Good good day! Ok, quick check and I'll wear my scarf from now on, the stain is not the lastest fashion trend, and I don't think it'll work if I go out to a club wearing it.

End of the meeting. I go back to my boss's very elegant and big office. After closing the door, he asked me if I was feeling better. I said yes.

- Oh the meeting was interesting. But Sara, I have to admit it was hard for me to focus.

- Really?! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt...

- No, I mean, about what you said before, your little story (smiling)

- (blushing) Oh well... that was funny yeah.

- What is funnier is that you met someone I've known for few years now, I was close to...yeah, really the world is a village...So he's working for...

- A funeral company, funeroad... (laughing) weird huh?!

- Yeah, surprising! He will always surprise me!

- So ...well...how did you...

- We just worked together... and he resigned... and I never saw him after that.

- (didn't want to say what Gabriel thought) Ok! Cool!

- Sara, let's get back to work. Please bring me a coffee, turn the heater on, take all my calls. I'll go to all my meetings. I don't want to be disturbed.

As I went back home, I was thinking about the whole thing. I really kind of fancied Gabriel, because of his good looks, his charm, the way we met and what with my boss. But I felt something would be wrong at some point. But I'm way too curious AND interested to let go. Maybe they were lovers and split? And so Gabriel sacrificed his job. But he didn't like it so he resigned because he really didn't like it? You don't resign when you have a great job and a great pay in a great city with the greatest buidings and fashion!

Ok I am about to eat a pizza and have a beer. I have to feed my little grey cells to think about a strategy, or more simply to talk to him and get a date! Now which pizza?!

Day after - 10.30 am.

At the office. Arrived at 10 am. The thing is I have the biggest stomach ache ever because of frozen tuna pizza that was already gone and too much beer after trying to write the perfect scenario for our next meeting. Slept at 4 am after taking pills. Woke up mouth open with my face on a girl magazine with the colour of the paper on my left cheek. Now my face is red on one side, after rubbing it, and with the line of the paper cut. When I arrived, Mark told me my boyfriends aren't lucky because I always have a headache that prevents me to arrive on time at work. I replied I wasn't French for nothing.

10.30 He must be at his office. So all I have to do is call him at the headoffice and... NO! I don't have his name! No! Maybe I can ask Mark!

Back at desk! His name is Gabriel Hardy-Gallant! Oh what a nice charming elegant sexy name! Sara Hardy Gallant?! No I have to keep my surname. Sara Benmariem Hardy Gallant!

I called and asked the girl at the reception desk if I could speak to Gabriel. Wait a moment...and No! He left last night! When is he coming back? She doesn't know, in a month or two!

Ok my day is over!

If Paris was a girl part 3

Now that I think of it, I may have overreacted, but at the time, I didn't want my suddenly-promising love life to be compromised by a medieval feud between my new found prince charming and adored but evil boss! But sometimes when you are with a boy you like, you can't help but act stupid:

- Really, well you know he's just my boss...nothing more than that. We dont have to talk about him. I don't ...

- I don't want to put silly ideas in your mind, and anyway I really have to leave now...

- Well me too... I have a meeting with my boss. He doesn't like it when people are late.

- Yeah I know. Was nice meeting you. Here's my card (looking funny)

- Thank you. I don't have a card, but (winking and trying to look smart) you know where to...

- Yeah, ok see you some time!

- Wait! Shall I give Mark a message? (am i stupid or what?!)

- (Looking at me annoyed) No thanks - running away, stopping and coming back: yeah just say hi to Gloriana...

- (all excited) Oh you know Gloriana?! Oh yes you know her, if you worked together...(realizing something not quite sure what it is but...)

- And tell Mark I'm in town. (approaches, embarrassed) shall we go for la bise?

- (blushing) sure.

I approach him, realize how tall and powerful he is compared to small little thing like me. Kiss his left cheek (oh his skin is so so soft), go for the right cheek (oh he looked at me, straight in the eye) kiss it:

- Ok then thanks for the tea and see...

OMG! I can't believe it! He ran off without listening to me to the end. How can he be so disrespectful?! Am I stupid or what?! Oh god! Ok I have to go back. I'll never see him again, that's for sure! I'm such a loser!

Back to the office, I made a happy face, happy smile so my colleagues could see something was going on. My girls, Helene, American expat, and Jeanne, colleague I've known for 6 months, were obviously the first to know about the stunner. They were really excited, mostly about the feud part! You know how girls get excited about this kind of things. So we decided to discover what it was all abaout, as I got on quite well with my boss, and Helene knew him from the NY office, apparently after Gabriel had already left.

A minute before the meeting started, I went to Mark to see if there was anything else I could prepare for him (yes I am a very dedicated assistant. Guess I will be a very dedicated wife and mother too!) and told him about my meeting and his hi to Gloriana and him.

- You know, his name is Gabriel. Didn't give me his surname though.

- Tell me again exactly how you met...

I told him, making sure I forgot no details, but not sure he even knew who I was talking about. At the end of the story, and while we were sitting around the big table, he remained still but I could see the ghost of a smile curling his lips. Didn't know what to think of it, but unfortunately, the meeting had begun! I'm never going to focus straight on the matter.

Gabriel. Gabriel. Who are you? Where are you? Are we ever going to meet again? Of course we will, I have his card.

Funeroad

The road to heaven

Rue des Déchargeurs 75006 Paris

WHAT!!! He gave me a pro card. No name on it! OMG I can't believe it once again. That is so rude! WTF! Couldn't help but letting a little puppy sound out! All in the meeting room looked at me. My boss, annoyed, did the big eyes thing, as if he was going to turn into a monster. I had to get some fresh air!

- Need coffee or juice anyone?

- We already have some on the TABLE!, my boss said.

- I have to go to the ladies room...(lower to my boss) I guess Satan has come to visit me for the 5 next days.

Quickly left the room, ruched to the loo, and started crying out of despair... why these things always happen to me? ! *sob*

Yes when girls need fresh air, they go to the toilets. That is just a fact. Don't ask me why.

If paris was a girl part 2

Ok I accepted to have a coffee with Mr Gorgeous, and I could feel a storm forming in my belly... I was so ugly and he was so hot!

Ok I wasn't exactly ugly, but say if he was Brad Pitt, I was just plain, plain face (+ curly hair), with a plain style, but at least I'm French, and so that upgrades the international plainness level. Big Lebowski thing was a bit exaggerated, not far from truth though.

So we went out of the supermarket, acting a bit sheepish and shy because the situation was awkward, but fun, at least to me... We decided to go to a café few steps away from the supermarket, also because we didn't know how to fill in the silence that had settled between us since I accepted the good in faith coffee.

So he asked my name. "Sara", I said, knowing what this name usually provokes in men.

"Gabriel" he replied, with a shy smile on his face!

Gabriel is nice but ... oh no! no please, not Gabriel, I wanted to call my son Gabriel...unless i call him Gabriel Junior, or Gabriel the Second, or Gabriel Gabriel, like John John...I'll think about it later! Because I am realizing that all the women on the street are looking at my gorgeous future husband! Yay! They think we are together and we're a couple and we went to the supermarket together to go back home and prepare a nice little dinner, and have crazy crazy sex! Waw, I can already see they're jealous! Fuck you bitches, I saw him first! Na!

We sit at a table by the window, order a café au lait for him and an earl grey tea for me...Don't want to compromise my breath with coffee.

-"Oh it's nice to sit in a French café ...

- ...with a French girl....

- Yes I was about to say it...but didn't know if...

- So is it something you often do...chat up girls in supermarkets?

- No, it was really spontaneous...I just saw your stuff and thought waw that's a girl!

- You know, i thought you could recognize a girl for some obvious physical specificities, unless you're gay and never paid attention to the female

- hahahah...no I’m not gay really, but I mean, it's so like you to take fat free yoghourt and mars bars at the same time.

- Well maybe it wasn't for me... maybe i bought them for someone else... someone who is not me and who likes mars bars!

- Oh I wonder who could be that someone?!

- (didn't want to make a stupid joke about a virtual boyfriend) It's for me, but you see that's logical! I eat mars bars, and then I have my fat free yoghourt, so I can enjoy the taste of something sweet and not grow fat

- With the yoghourt erasing the taste of your sweet thing...

- Yes, so I don't want to have another mars...see it's a very intelligent strategy!

- Has it worked so far?

- Well as you can see... (Sheepish) the thing is I’ve thought about that strategy this morning, so i'll have to try it tonight...

- Alright, can't wait to see the result... (Barman serves coffee and tea) I suppose you won't take any sugar then...

- (taking a sugar) so Gabriel, what brings you here?

- Just here for a few days for work (heart cracks). I come to Paris every month for few days . (heart explodes)

- Oh..really...waw, you're so lucky to travel for work...I'd love to do that... what is it exactly?

- My company is the world leader of funerals organisation...and we have a new office in Paris, so I have to check it every month.

- ...........(heart re-cracks) Oh waw! It must be very... interesting...

- Yes it is actually. (Matter-of-factly)I used to be a Sales director in an advertising agency in NYC (heart re re cracks), but I thought it was too hard for me, not the job, but the people, too much corruption for such a great job.

- Really (heart sobs and gets depressed)

- Yeah, so I decided to give myself a new chance to get closer to people and find myself again, as I had lost myself with that other job. I'm really happy about the choice I've made. I really enjoy life now, in all its aspects. I feel lucky...

- Ok, well that's very original...really; you're the first "crunch-death" I meet!

- Crunch what?

- Ooh I feel so special now...

- Hahaha, did you say crunch death?! hahahah

- (Red like a tomato) Yes.

- (laughing) I heard it some time ago in my company... you want to say undertaker dear one! (Hardly repressing his roar of laugher)

- Undertaker... Ok I didn't know that...thanks (not laughing at all…I used the exact words for the French phrase)

- How about you? Do you live here?

- Yes I was born and raised here. I live with another girl and work here as well. 100% Parisian!

- And...

- And so I work here as a PA in an advertising agency...and (lowing voice) I like it...

- Oh really, that's a small world isn't it?! And which company is it?

- WCBZQ and Brothers... I'm the PA of Mark Rozenstrauss, deputy director of the company.

- (looking mysterious) Yes, the world is a very small place and Paris is a village... You know what?

- No. Tell me…

- I know your boss, I used to work for WCBZQ & B with Mark...

- Really?! Oh my god! Oh my god you know my boss! (Heart jumps so much I want to vomit...see destiny is my friend....so many things in common between us)

- ...yeah and that's not the best thing that's happened to me"(heart re cracks, vagina wants to pee of disgust, get depressed….)

If Paris was a girl part 1

I am at the supermarket to buy some things for home. Then I go to pay. I put my stuff on the conveyor belt. Before me is a tall man clad in a long black coat. He looks at the articles I take off my bag, and he smiles, more and more, looks a bit amused. Finally giggles.

List of articles:

- A fresh half pizza

- A chocolate and cherry extravaganza

- Cappuccino cookies

- Fat free white cheese

- A pack of mars bars

- Fat free Greek yoghourt

- Diet coke

- A pack of fat free camembert

- A bottle of white wine

- A Formula Body Exfoliator Cream

- A Body Formula Re-Sculpting Body cream

- A pack of sanitary towel lilac brease

He looks at all my products and then laughs outloud, of that i can't believe it laugh you get when people look like when they're taking the piss out of you!

Me: seems like someone's had a hard day... - just then do i realize that the pisstaker is the most gorgeous, the hottest creature in this universe-

Him: no, it's just that...hahaha... this is so charming...

Me:???? Yeah... - realizing, he is tall, blond with blue eyes, perfect face, perfect smile, wonderful voice, hot, really hot, too hot, too hot for me, I’m about to cry-

Him: hahaha ...I’m sorry ...hahaha ... so cute

Me: appalled + blushing if such a thing is possible:... yeah why not... - realizing I look like the big lebowski without the beard-

Him: I mean, this is ...hahah...so feminine...

Me: well thank you, this is reassuring...

Him taking his bottle of wine after paying: I’m so sorry, didn't mean to embarrass you...haha

Me putting my stuff in my bag, not looking at him: ...yeah at least someone's happy here!

Him: listen I’m really sorry...I never...

Me sighing: ...ok... stop apologizing...that's alright, I like to make people happy despite my dignity (forcing myself to smile without looking ridiculous because I’m about to wet my jeans)

Him: listen i just want to make up for it alright... can I offer you a coffee... in good faith of course!

Me: oh because in your mind a coffee implies more than just a coffee?!

Him: a coffee, I’d really love to offer you a nice cup of nice hot coffee, will you?

Me happy: alright....(what a nice way to meet someone)

Pourquoi?

Bon alors je pose une question, pourquoi les hommes que nous voulons sont presque toujours déjà pris? Et/ou inaccessibles va sans dire? Ou pas disponibles émotionnellement?

Ces questions s'appliquent surtout aux jeunes filles qui comme moi ont raté ces mecs pdt leurs 20aines, et qui se retrouvent soir bien engagés, soit déjà mariés soit séparés de leurs longues relations et veulent alors seulement s'éclater?

Pourquoi avons nous raté le coche? Qu'est ce qui cloche avec nous? Avec eux? Sommes nous en dehors du cycle de l'amour?

Je me dis simplement que les temps ont changé, que nous sommes plus libres de mener nos relations comme nous l'entendons et de prendre le temps qu'il faut pour vraiment tomber sur la bonne personne, celle avec qui nous allons pouvoir passer quelques années ensemble, et pourquoi pas, même construire un avenir ensemble? Mais le temps que nous prenons n'est il pas un risque sur notre avenir sentimental. Je veux dire par là que si nous prenons notre temps c'est parce que nous pensons que notre exigence prend du temps à se présenter devant nous, et qu'elle mérite vraiment la comparaison avec d'autres.

Parce que nous sommes des super women, que nous voulons mener une double vie ultra épanouissante niveau perso et pro, ne rêvons nous pas trop à l'impossible?

Il me semble, d'après mon humble expérience, que plus je prends mon temps et moins je risque de trouver chaussure à mon pied. Et si j'entreprends une relation qui est vouée à être régulière, puis-je me permettre d'être avec quelqu'un qui ne réunit et les critères que je souhaite, plus le sacro saint feeling qui nous fait souvent tomber pour la "mauvaise" personne.

J'ai beau avoir 3 garçons autour de moi, ils sont gentils, cools, mimi, célibataires, et pourtant je sais que ça ne le fera avec aucun d'entre eux, même si sur le papier ils ont tout. Suis-je trop difficile? Est ce que je mérite d'être exigeante?

Je sais que je dois me laisser aller mais parce que je suis une grande rêveuse, je me prends toujours à rêver, au lieu d'agir, car je suis heureuse dans mes rêves, quitte à être malheureuse dans ma réalité.

Il faut dire, pour être plus juste que les hommes dont je rêve physiquement sont Brad Pitt, Matthew Fox, Josh Brolin, Gabriel Aubry, Russell Crowe, etc... Vous voyez le genre. Beau, grand, fort, bien foutus, mignons, et surtout... inaccessibles? Mais pourquoi on ne rencontre pas des gens comme ça dans la vie? Parce qu'en plus d'être des sex gods, ils sont cools...

Ma soeur et moi rêvons de ces beaux Américains, et nous nous disons aussi que notre avenir se trouve là-bas. Alors on a décidé d'y aller un de ces quatre parce qu'on sait que là bas, ça sera la folie pour nous et quelquechose de nouveau et exceptionnel.

En même temps, ça ne répond pas à toutes les questions posées depuis le début: pourquoi suis-je encore célibataire? Pourquoi ne puis-je pas trouver l'amour? Qu'est ce qui cloche chez moi/nous?